Empty nest, empty chest

My daughter had left home and found a great job, there was every reason to congratulate her and feel like an accomplished single parent when I realised she was going to be fine. Except that I felt absolutely downright ruined. While she’s a lovely young person, the day she moved out I don’t think she […]

Animal House

My dad is becoming increasingly eccentric post-retirement. Over the past five years, he’s gradually built up something of an animal village in his sizeable backyard. I’d never have guessed that this was something he might have wanted back in the day, but I’m coming to suspect that it’s always been on his agenda. He seems […]

Investment Property: The Greatest Wish??

An ‘Alternative Trivia Night’ sounds really shifty, but actually, it was good fun. I went along with the same trepidation you’d have going along to ‘Destruction Derby Speed Dating’, but it just turned out to be a more personalised experience. So, all the questions were subjective, based around your personal opinion, and the most creative […]

Dy Needling, for Conserving Weight

Obviously, one thing we’re going to be needing on the moon is alternative medicine. Scientifically-proven alternative medicine, obviously. I’ve been looking into various healing methods that will conserve both funds and space, since resources will be at a premium for the initial stages of our Lunar Habitation. Now, oxygen chambers are nice and all, but […]

Lighting for a Burst of Brilliance!

I wonder if causing temporary pain to the audience is within the bounds of ethical theatre conduct? I mean…if it’s done in the name of ART, surely it must be fine. I’d issue a warning, but then that would ruin the purpose of the piece, and we can’t have something like that. You see, my […]

Ah, Good Old Sail Away

I’ll never understand the obsession with things that aren’t real. Mathematics is real, science is real, grocery shopping…well, that’s all too real. But people shooting laser beams at each other and yelling their attacks in a foreign language? So terribly strange. It’s the entire reason we have two televisions now. The kids can go and […]

Like the branches of a tree

Things never look as good when you look back on your childhood years. Take my pigtail obsession, for example. For two years straight I wore my hair in pigtails, every day, without fail. I’d preach their value to my fellow six-year-olds, and give the same style to any girls in my class who’d let me […]

Indoor Spaces Aren’t So Bad…

I haven’t checked, but I might be the only person with this condition in the world. Or at least, I’ve never met anyone with a crippling fear of indoor spaces. Maybe they’ve all grown out of it and now they live indoors, hence why we’ve never crossed paths. That has to be it. Basically, my […]

Mechanic Saves My Car Fail

I was meant to drive my sister’s car to the mechanic today, as a favour. She got this ride a while back, and I’ve always found driving it to be a slightly odd experience. It’s kitted out with unnecessary paraphernalia, like a screen on the dashboard that helps you judge parking distance and DVD players […]

Lifting Weights for Fun and Oxygen

Okay, so apparently…and don’t quote me on this, but *apparently*, breathing is good for you. Pro tip, you didn’t hear it from me, doctors HATE me for revealing this one weird trick. I know. But I’m new to weight-lifting, and the whole point of the exercise is to lift heavy things that people shouldn’t usually […]