Who do I think has been messing with the house? I’m pretty sure it was Nadia. No real reason, other than the fact that she’s pretty crazy and does whatever she wants. I don’t even bother energy-draining her anymore because it just takes up too much of my energy. I’m genuinely afraid to talk to her at times. Lazarus and Fernando are easy targets, as is Gizmo. Not Nadia, though. She’s like a super vampire or something.

I’m trying to push the group to go into the sewers so we can look for the source of the problem, but I’m pretty sure that isn’t going to work. Sewer repair businesses close to Melbourne do a pretty good job at keeping our sewers working. It would be a truly painful experience for everyone, however, and that negative energy is something I can really feed off.

Some people confuse energy vampires with narcissists, but they are totally different. See, narcissists are far more powerful, as they only need one person to feed off for their entire life. I drain energy from a few people at a time through boring anecdotes and poorly shot pictures of my nieces and nephews. A narcissist, however, can drain more than just energy. They drain all sorts of emotions. Then they go into a sort of hibernation where they don’t drain anything for a few days, which tricks the victim into opening up again. It’s really clever.

It really is a shame that we have a blocked sewer. Melbourne residents are just waiting for me to energy drain them, but I can’t go out without having a shower. Because I’m not like the other vampires, I actually have to look presentable and like a 21st-century man to do my draining. So obviously I’m not the one messing with the drainage in our house. I don’t really care if other people think it was me, though, because I can totally use that to drain more energy from them.

– Robin Collinson