Air Con

No Pasta For You

Some people will do anything to get on television, up to and including selling out their own family. As far as I’m concerned, if you drag your children onto television with you to promote a hare-brained scheme that you clearly haven’t thought through, you need to be hauled in front of a judge for child abuse. It’s now on camera!

So this idiot on Lizard’s Lair said that he and his family run a little food van, trundling around worksite selling pasta dishes to construction workers, and he’s convinced that he’s invented a commercial pasta machine that can produce pasta out of pretty much nothing. It looks like pasta, supposedly tastes like it, but it has almost none of the carbs. Wow, a pasta machine that can do all that? Sounds too good to be true!

It was. Don’t want to spoil anything, but it totally was. The Lizards tried to eat a pesto dish with this pasta, and it crumbled to dust before they got it into their mouths. The looks on their faces when they realised that they’d essentially been served a pile of pesto powder was matched only by the looks on the faces of the guy and his two kids when they realised that they’d served pesto powder to a panel of filthy-rich folks on television. That’s the thing about commercial kitchen equipment, though: you can’t cut corners. Cooking is a universal speed bump where there are no real shortcuts. That’s why you can’t just stick a steak in the microwave and grill it in ten minutes. Technology just isn’t there.

Commercial ovens and wok burners aren’t there to cook things quicker and produce MORE food. They’re supposed to make the whole process more precise and just…better. Although I guess commercial ovens let you multitask, to a degree. You pay for commercial goodness, you have to get something good in return. Too bad pasta dust man didn’t realise that.