Oh dear…word on the socialite circuit is that Fanning Crosby hosted a garden party, and she did NOT get her kitchen renovated beforehand. I just…oh, the very thought of it is just the absolute picture of shame. I wasn’t there, having developed a sudden and severe case of Undefined Victorian Consumption Illness. I lay back upon my many pillows and coughed occasionally while my skin turned a bit white, and I could be overall described as ‘frail’. Fortunately they can cure that these days, so it was all just a bit dramatic for a week or so.

Anyway, I still remember what my mother told me, right before I was allowed to attend my first garden party at the age of five: “Modern kitchen design is among our greatest strengths as a family, Pondelia. Everyone else can have it done, and they should, before every single gathering, but our family has it in our blood.”

It’s true, I DO have an eye for kitchen and bathroom renovations that feels like it goes right down deep into my soul. It’s like a soul eye…that allows me to look at a custom designed kitchen and judge it, instantly. Right down to the minute detail, I can pull each aspect apart and tell you exactly what would have been best. I’m aware that opinions exist, and personal tastes exist, and those two awful things are why people like ME exist, so I can tell you that you’re utterly, painfully wrong. It’s my gift to the world.

Oh, Miss Crosby…so many wonderful kitchen face-lift professionals, and I know them all. We could have spared the the fate of people seeing that you have the same kitchen, across two garden parties. I don’t suppose she’ll ever recover from the shame.

-Ms. Whimsy