I’ll admit that I’m not the best around the house, which is why I have a landlord that sorts out most of that stuff for me. I have just enough to get on with looking after my many pets and making beautiful music, without having to do silly things like screw in light bulbs and fix door hinges. It’s not my fault…sometimes my pan pipes just hit that perfect tone that shatters light bulbs, and sometimes when I’m performing with my cello using the patented cello-quickstep, doors get…kicked.
The landlord is very good about sending people over, and to show my appreciation, I’ll often compose a song in their honour. Last time a guy came to fix the leaking taps, I spent the whole time serenading him with my improv ballad, ‘Overalls Man, Roof Racks and Bars in Hand, His Lunch is Soup, Canned’ (I was running out of rhymes). Actually, the industry brought some shocking and stunning emotions out of me that day, and the ballad went in some interesting directions. There was a workman, working on the…docks. He brought his toolbox to work every day, and his sweetheart always packed him a ham and cheese sandwich. Then one day, he opened his toolbox and found…ham, cheese and tomato. She KNEW he hated tomato, so why would she pack it? Turns out that it was her way of saying that she wanted a divorce, from being his sweetheart, because she’d found another man who worked as a plumber. Docks man and plumber man fought for her love, and they both ended up slipping and falling into a manhole, causing them to smell so bad that the girl left both of them.
*And he never, ever ate ham and cheese sandwiches, again!*
Wow, I cried. I cried so hard. It’s basically the anthem of all aluminium toolboxes for sale in Melbourne, and the potential for greatness and heartbreak they hold. Also, it speaks to my love of sandwiches.